Yet Another Change of Plans

This is getting ridiculous. I know. 

Last night I received some not so new news... In actuality, I felt it coming I was just trying to avoid it. A not so distant relative has been very ill for quite some time now and after a telephone conversation with my mom last night I feel compelled to go home this weekend for a visit. Truth be told, there's probably not much time left for visiting and after being the oldest granddaughter and second oldest grandchild of 16, I feel that it's time for me to step up and do my part. Yet another fantastic perk of being an adult. 

I know that it will be a struggle. It always has been with this one. I've felt many mixed emotions throughout my relationship with this particular grandparent. 

History? Okay. Not to be egotistical, but I'm one of the more successful grandchildren: College diploma obtained in four years, managing a relationship without becoming pregnant for four years running, taking care of myself, standing on my own two feet without loans from the family, etc etc. You may ask where I make my comparisons of success. That would be to the other 15 grandchildren on this side of the family. Not all of them are screw-ups, but a few favorites certainly have had their fair share of mistakes. Once again, not being egotistical, not saying in any way I am without flaw, however... it's really difficult to be the black sheep of the family (along with my brother) simply because I don't rely on her for my well-being as so many others do. Also, bonus, I don't play sports and while I have a love for them, because I don't play football or I'm not a baseball star, I'm once again dropped down the list. My birthday cards come late if at all, my college graduation was not a "must-attend" but every single one of my oldest cousin's high school and college football games most certainly were. Call me jealous. It wouldn't be the first time. 

Ultimately, I have a lot to let go of. None of it really meaning anything when it comes down to it. She's loved me and has probably never known I've felt neglected in any sense of the term. Now it's time for me to grow up and suck it up. I've loved her and I continue to. I suppose fighting for attention and acceptance is what we do in every aspect of life, huh? Especially when you're one of 16 grandchildren ages 6-23. In the end, however, she's my grandmother and I'm not good with good-byes. 

I go home Saturday morning. Attempt two of birthday shopping mission: postponed. 

Just Breathe.