Out with the Old, In with the New

As the new year vastly approaches, I'm taking the time to re-evaluate my circumstances. My view points. My way of thinking and living. We discussed my New Year's Resolutions in like October, so I won't bore you with a sequel of such. You already know about my mission, so I won't continue to bore you with that either. Over my Christmas holiday, I had a lot of time to spend with both friends and family back home. It was, for the most part, very enjoyable. It gave me time to think and breathe again. It was a very Merry Christmas.

While, today, I'm back at work and yesterday, I was dreading Monday's evil return, I feel like I'm in a zone, if you will. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to jump start the 2009 year full of energy and ready to take on every resolution, goal, and mission. I'll fill you in on why....

One reason, I'm ready to feel good. I'm ready to continue this positive outlook on life. Out with the sad, in with the happy. Christmas day, I went over to my aunt's house with the rest of my 30 member family mourning the first Christmas without my Nana who passed the first of October. Usually, the Christmas tree would have at least 100 presents under it because my Nana was a shopping queen, especially at Christmas time. One year, I believe I counted 181. In any case, this year, there was one for each person. We drew names and traded gifts. I received some generic Bath and Body works gift set. It was nice and I didn't complain, but it was on the more depressing side of the holiday's events thus far. Then my aunt's bright idea for distributing all 300+ pieces of her jewelry came to light. They were all bagged in goodie bags piece by piece, sorted by what they were: necklace, pendent, bracelet, pin, etc. Then numbers were drawn. All 12 of the women/girls in the room chose a number from a basket and that was the order in which we got to choose the jewelry. Is anyone else seeing something wrong here? Because I did.

Of course I was number 12.

Now, one could very wrongly mistake my disgust for this whole process for jealousy or greed in that I was the last grandchild to be able to draw. I'll have you know, however, I was very upset about this operation long before we drew the numbers. Numbers 1-3 and 6 were not even blood members of my family. 1 and 2 were the baby and "baby momma" of my younger cousin and number 6 had been "adopted" into my family a couple of years back in order to escape a bad home herself. Now, while I have no qualms with any of these young girls, I have been the woman's granddaughter for 23 years. 23. years. Number 6 chose a strand of my grandmother's pearls. Also note, it is unknown if they were real or fake. I'm sure that my aunt went through from the beginning and took the real, but in any case, I was not a fan. I was so angry by the time I left. All of my cousins were laying it all out on the ground, bartering for trade with other pieces, laughing at some of it. Granted some of it was atrocious and I laughed later at some that I had gotten. The whole scene just made me really sad. In my opinion, it was too soon. It was too soon to hand it all out and it could've been handled in a much better fashion. But some things you just have to let go of I suppose...

Which brings me to where I am now. Letting go. However difficult it was to keep my mouth shut, I managed. However difficult it was to come back to work today, knowing my brother, still in college, can stay home for another two weeks on vacation, I managed. It's high time I did a little growing up. However painful. I'm counting my blessings and ready to toast to the new year.

New year, new way of thinking, and my new car. Get excited.

Whirlwind Weekend

Where do I begin? How about Friday. How about spending far too long at a conference for work on my birthday. Try 8 hours. Sounds like a typical work day right? Well this conference just kept going and going and going. Maybe because I needed so desperately to just get to Friday night, ie. my birthday party, ie. the most fun I've had in such a long time.

No really.

Came home to my favorite Island girl and my brother all but waiting on me when I returned from my all day event. Showered and came out to roses from Mr. Perfect, and more people continuing to come through my door. My co-teacher, also make-up artist for MAC, did my make-up and my shopping had proven to be successful earlier in the week. Everyone looked hot and we headed out for a long night on the town.

Things went by quickly, but here's a quick re-cap: first stop, cute bar off the main strip that wasn't too crowded until our eleven person entorage showed up. I walk in the door, some of our party was already there and already ready to order me a beverage of choice. I knew it would be a great night from there. After a few hours here, we began walking down the strip to find a girl shouting at us to come in for free cover and free shots at the bar for the birthday girl, etc! I love being famous. Had our free shots, plus another select few and then headed out again. This time for dancing. And we danced and danced and drank and danced. My younger brother managed to find his way into the middle of a group of thirty year olds dancing, my beautiful heels managed to be pryed off of my dying feet, and the dj managed to announce it was my birthday, along with three other girls there. No matter, it was fantastic. What a birthday. It was everything I had wanted it to be.

The next morning, however, was not what I wanted it to be. Not feeling the least bit sick, thanks to the brother's remedy of late night taco bell, we all had to get up and pack up for the trip back home. Our grandmother's funeral was late Saturday and the burial took place on Sunday. Talk about polar opposite emotions Saturday night from those had Friday night. I couldn't keep myself from crying... a lot. My whole family seemed to feel that way. It was really hard. Then again, it was good to be with family. Even those I really have trouble caring about because they don't care about themselves. I know everyone has them. All of my cousins of course were in full force. I had friends show up to show respect and not allow me to completely fall apart. I feel like I did okay for the most part. I kept saying last night that I was ready for a new week. A positive beginning.

So, here we are. Still focusing on Friday night and trying to keep from concentrating on our sad weekend, I'm very thankful for my friends. New or old, my hometown girls or my city friends, all made my birthday special or held me up when I needed them most. I didn't know I could have as much fun again as I had on Friday. I thought they were gone with the college life. Alas, the city night brings a new light. Especially when your party is eleven people deep. I'm ready to go out and do it again. However, my Mr. Perfect's bar tab at stop number 1 was $70, thanks to your's truly, and there were two more stops after that... so he's probably okay with waiting a little while. At least until another payday.

The Waiting Game

What a weekend it was. I went home early Saturday morning just in time for the family visit to the hospital. As I'm about to enter the door my mom turns around and says "Prepare yourself." In my head I say both "I'm fine" and "You couldn't have said that earlier than now??" The woman lying in the hospital bed all but deteriorating before my eyes was no longer my grandmother. She could barely keep her eyes open, called my brother by name and never was able to process who I was. I cried for most of the morning and then again every time I had to tell anyone checking on me that my own grandmother no longer knew who her eldest granddaughter was. My mom has told me since then than the drastic change from the time of my phone call after her visit Wednesday to the time I came face to face with her Saturday morning was severe. 

So we wait.

Meanwhile, I call in reinforcement. And it's Roxie to the rescue. 

She's known the relationship I've had with this particular grandmother for years now and when she got the text that she didn't know who I was, she rearranged her entire weekend to come to my aid. As per usual. She drove all the way home after working a late shift Saturday night and drove back late tonight. Less than a 24 hour visit to make sure I didn't completely lose my mind amidst my crazy grieving family. 

So today, we went out early. Shopping, eating, car browsing (potential new car could be in my future), shopping, eating, drinking and departing. That's all it took for me to not spend another day wallowing in my own tears of mourning. Retail therapy. It's what we do. 

Now, I'm back in the city. For now. Until I have to turn around and go back for a funeral, I play the waiting game. Praying that the funeral and my birthday don't fall on the same day. Boo.