Surprise! You Suck at Life!

There should have been a sign on my bathroom mirror with these words in bright pink this morning. While waking up on time, I found that for the second morning in a row my right eye was slightly puffy and had excess 'sleep' around my eyelashes. Upon removing said 'sleep' I discovered it was slightly pink inside... If only this was the type of pink eye I was referring to. This I could handle. Except my eyes are blue. And I don't so much wear pink eye shadow very often. But that's not the point. Can anyone even remember the last time they had pink eye? Because I can't. I don't think it's full blown yet because it has yet to itch uncontrollably and water all of the time. I am, however, washing my hands eighteen times a day and steering clear of my coughing children who seem to swarm around me while jumping off the walls today with their snotty noses and unwashed hands. Gross.

Yes, this was the beginning of my morning. Followed by jumping into my car to realize I had plenty of time to get to work on time or maybe even a couple of minutes early. Until I looked down at my gas light. So, I stopped for gas, freezing. Roll into work about 5 minutes late to discover I'm being evaluated today by our Curriculum Coordinator. Fantastic.

Breathe in, Brush it off, Breathe out. You're fine.

My kids then proceed to be entirely out of control all morning. Fighting one another and running through the room, whinning and yelling. Do they know not to do this? Yes. Did they act this way yesterday when I wasn't being evaluated? Of course not. While I managed to be enthusiastic about my lesson even though I still felt terrible, I was pretty confident. It was too cold to go outside, however, and the longer the morning went on the more I wanted to knock their little heads together! Note: I would never. Just so you know. But I have thought about it. You would too.

When the CC left, my co-teacher just looked at me and laughed. She knew I was at a breaking point. Our last two evaluations have come back with perfect scores. They were both informal for me however because I had not been the lead teacher that day. Today, of course it was formal. And of course I was the lead teacher. It was my turn. And I sucked. You might think I'm being hard on myself. And I might be. I haven't gotten my scores back yet. But at this point, I want to press the rewind button and find myself back in bed cuddled up in my sweats. Or perhaps, fast forward until Friday. Eye drops in hand and work behind me for another weekend of bliss.

God help me. What a morning.

Am I the Only One?

Probably not is the answer to that question. But I'm just throwing it out there.. I feel like I've fallen into a hole. A hole of no return. A hole known to most as adulthood. Please get me back out, it's dark and scary... It's not been a good day. Typical Wednesday, they're usually not very good. It's just the getting through them that keeps me going. Just getting to Thursday, because then it's practically Friday and I'm one girl who worships Fridays. Why am I not a fan of Wednesdays you may ask? Well Wednesdays are my co-teacher's days off. This means they stick me with a "sub-type" who either knows how I handle my class or doesn't...it's hit or miss. One I love dearly, unfortunately, he's not with me today. So, my kids have been insane, not listening to anything anyone has to say to them. Now, this is to be expected on occasion. They're young. But this Wednesday also marks day 12 I've been stuck with this head cold turned sinus infection turned death. And I'm pretty much miserable. So bear with me... 

Back to this tragic hole. Can I please go back to 21 again? You may laugh and say, it really wasn't that long ago...but in my life at its present state, 21 seems ages ago. I feel like I live from weekend to weekend. Soaking up whatever I can and then it's back to the grind Monday morning.

I love my job. I really do. But work is work. Truth be told, none of us want to do it. Ever. It interferes with me taking off and seeing my favorite people whenever I so desire. It interferes with me being lazy and not getting of the couch for hours on end, watching re-run marathons of America's Next Top Model or Law & Order. It interferes with my shopping sprees and expenditures on items or clothing I don't really need, but were just too cute to pass up. Okay, maybe that last one is a good thing, because let's face it, I'm already broke.. but that's not the point. The point is this: Is this what my life is destined to be for 60+ more years?

Work, weekend, work, weekend, work.....

How depressing.

Just a bad day I suppose. A "case of the Mondays" on a Wednesday afternoon. I just miss my friends I guess.. Ready for everything to feel normal again and I'm afraid it's never going to.. How do you return to normal if you're not sure what normal is supposed to be now?

God help me. I sound like Dr. Phil. ha.

I suppose I should be counting my blessings. It could always be worse. After all, I could be the parent of one of these hellions...

Not. Even. Funny.

My Kids are my Birth Control

Confused? Don't be. I'm referring to my kids at work. Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy my job, but let's be real.. it's nice to leave them to their parents at the end of the day. They've made me question if I even want the responsibilities of a dog anymore. My responsible self is pretty much burned out by about 5 o'clock. This picture is by no means an exaggeration of my every day life.... 

Sometimes I think about all of the young women I attended high school with that have already had babies. Mind you, I'm in my early twenties. Babies? Hell no. And this is coming from someone who loves children. I couldn't do it. Not at this point in my life anyway.  I most definitely commend those that can. God bless them. 

Anyway, there was no real excitement on the weekend front. Just to have my friday off and the weekend in general without wild children running about made it seem like a vacation. I'm still waiting on my actual vacation to be scheduled. Please God let it be sometime in the near future. 

In other news, I'm almost done with my book. It's taken a long time I know. Somedays I'm really into it, and other times, I'm too tired from said children mentioned above to become involved. Yes, I'm still referring to "Are Men Really Necessary: When Sexes Collide" by Maureen Dowd. I've found that I really like her. I may find another one of her books to dive into eventually... While returning to my new obsession of the very beginning seasons of SATC, I took particular interest in one of Dowd's chapters "Of Pussycats, Booty Calls, Road Beef and Slump Busters." (Catchy, right?) 

In this chapter, she refers to her friend, Kate White (current editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine). White quotes, "But the feminists made you feel that if you wanted to have your cake and eat it, too, if you wanted to be pretty and sexy and like guys you couldn't be a feminist." It caught my attention. I read it last night and it almost went hand in hand with a conversation I had with Mr. Perfect earlier in the evening. Maybe not so much a conversation but me rolling my eyes and him trying to defend himself. 

With said new obsession previously mentioned, he was courteous enough to indulge me and watch a couple of episodes. He, however, at the end used the term "interesting" to describe the fact that I enjoy this show so much. He said it "didn't seem like me, because it wasn't about equality, it was about power and the degradation of both men and other women..." (not a direct quote but you get the point..) If you've ever seen SATC... let me rephrase, if you're a woman and have ever seen SATC, you know that the target audience is you. I don't think it's as much about power as it is about independence. 

But does this feminine independence, this strong willed sexual awareness, the want to be both beautiful and wanted along with strong and free, does all of this negate a "feminist disposition?" Feminists of the seventies thought so, as Kate White told you above. But what is this new wave of thought? Is it impossible to "have your cake and eat it too?" 

Anyway, maybe a train of thought too serious for my day off, but also nice to have something intelligent to discuss as opposed to shapes, colors, and play dough. Your thoughts?

Bill Cosby Says..

"Kids say the darndest things!"

My new job has introduced me to a completely new perspective in working with small children. I have recently taken on a new endeavor upon entering into an actual classroom. My first day was made up of shuffling them around, being asked 800 questions, learning lesson plan formats, sitting "criss-cross apple sauce," and trying not to laugh when children from various backgrounds, various household structures, and various cultures tried to size me up as the new teacher in town. It went a little something like this...

I walk into the room, little Suzie* immediately says "what's that on your titties?" (referring to my necklace) I laugh, answer her question, and can only imagine what's next. To my surprise, my answer was sufficient and she finds something else entertaining elsewhere. Then, little Johnny* comes up, asks my name about ten times again and again, then finds his spot on the carpet, grins and winks at me whenever I pay him attention from across the room. I can only expect for this day to get better... 

Biting, squealing, running, crying, and all other forms of chaos later, I'm exhausted and feel the beginning of what looks to be a lovely headache ahead. I've never met such... energetic children. And we'll say my experience working with children is fairly extensive. I don't know that anyone can be fully prepared for what I walked into. But I'm still there. And surprisingly enough, I found it fun and even enjoyable. There is something truly rewarding at the end of the day when they don't want to leave you or they're worried they won't see you the the following day. 

I have one little Suzie* who is Hispanic and what little she does speak is in Spanish, but she is absolutely the most beautiful little girl. Although there is never very much conversation between the two of us, her eyes light up and she runs to me when I walk in the room. It's the little things in life that make up for the chaos, right? Little things and strong beverages, but that's beside the point. She's my chaos anecdote. 

Well, her... and nap time. 

*Names of children have been changed to protect the wild and unruly*