"Men Lie and Women Bitch..."

"..and nothing's ever gonna change that." 

Such wise words from a Mr. Perfect at the end of a blog-worthy conversation I just ended. One might think that with a comment like that, it was a very heated discussion with quite naive viewpoints thrown into the wind. It was quite intelligent actually. Two grown adults discussing a topic that I like to think I know a little something about, having a degree in Sociology and all.

 Spun from our "conversation" last night (recall: me-rolling eyes; him-talking a lot as per usual), and other notions brought about from his day at work, we somehow ended up talking about idealism in relation to gender beliefs today. 

He claims to be quite the idealist when it comes to society in general. I can see where this could be the case. It could also be the case that he's just naive. He can't understand why people just don't want to be equal with one another. His main point was that women don't want equality. No one really wants equality. They want to be a step up. Ahead of the other. He said that he didn't hate our Sex and the City viewing last night as much as he found it depressing that this wasn't so far fetched from reality. Granted, we discussed it had to be exaggerated for entertainment purposes, he said that the girls in SATC were a prime example that women don't want to be the same as men, they wanted to be better than men. My response to this, being the ever-so-classy me that I am, was "you don't know what the hell you're talking about, shut up." Okay, maybe I was laughing while saying it, but it is what I said. Women have to try and be better than men (smarter, funnier, quicker) to even potentially receive equal respect as men.. no matter the case. I'm not saying it's his fault that he doesn't see things as I do. I'm not saying I hate men and they keep me down, oh woe is me. I'm saying it is what it is. Society has been molded to be what we live in today. Period. 

A show like Sex and the City is not the basis of all of feminism for the twenty-first century. But the fact that they can "have sex/date like men" for example in one episode, or turn down dates because of shallow reasons for example in another episode, allude to the more independent and self-sufficient women of our time. And that's reality. That's what men do on a daily basis and I can't say that I've never met a woman who acts as such, but in any case I think it's simply hard for men to comprehend from such a perspective as SATC offers. It is empowering. Just as my angry girl music is. I don't think it's about being better than one another. I think it's about trying to find a happy medium that doesn't exist still in our present day. Not that it will never happen (for all of you idealists out there)... just that it hasn't so far. 

News flash: Equality doesn't exist. Not today anyway. 

Sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings there... 

And in response to more thought from my last post and of Kate White's quote, I'm going to say that I can feel all of this so strongly I want to argue about it until my face is blue, while wearing my new cute shoes, and having him open the door for me on the way out. It's not about hating on men, it's about loving being a woman. And being respected by all people, men and women, for being pretty damn fabulous at it. 

That's all. Classy out. 

My Kids are my Birth Control

Confused? Don't be. I'm referring to my kids at work. Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy my job, but let's be real.. it's nice to leave them to their parents at the end of the day. They've made me question if I even want the responsibilities of a dog anymore. My responsible self is pretty much burned out by about 5 o'clock. This picture is by no means an exaggeration of my every day life.... 

Sometimes I think about all of the young women I attended high school with that have already had babies. Mind you, I'm in my early twenties. Babies? Hell no. And this is coming from someone who loves children. I couldn't do it. Not at this point in my life anyway.  I most definitely commend those that can. God bless them. 

Anyway, there was no real excitement on the weekend front. Just to have my friday off and the weekend in general without wild children running about made it seem like a vacation. I'm still waiting on my actual vacation to be scheduled. Please God let it be sometime in the near future. 

In other news, I'm almost done with my book. It's taken a long time I know. Somedays I'm really into it, and other times, I'm too tired from said children mentioned above to become involved. Yes, I'm still referring to "Are Men Really Necessary: When Sexes Collide" by Maureen Dowd. I've found that I really like her. I may find another one of her books to dive into eventually... While returning to my new obsession of the very beginning seasons of SATC, I took particular interest in one of Dowd's chapters "Of Pussycats, Booty Calls, Road Beef and Slump Busters." (Catchy, right?) 

In this chapter, she refers to her friend, Kate White (current editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine). White quotes, "But the feminists made you feel that if you wanted to have your cake and eat it, too, if you wanted to be pretty and sexy and like guys you couldn't be a feminist." It caught my attention. I read it last night and it almost went hand in hand with a conversation I had with Mr. Perfect earlier in the evening. Maybe not so much a conversation but me rolling my eyes and him trying to defend himself. 

With said new obsession previously mentioned, he was courteous enough to indulge me and watch a couple of episodes. He, however, at the end used the term "interesting" to describe the fact that I enjoy this show so much. He said it "didn't seem like me, because it wasn't about equality, it was about power and the degradation of both men and other women..." (not a direct quote but you get the point..) If you've ever seen SATC... let me rephrase, if you're a woman and have ever seen SATC, you know that the target audience is you. I don't think it's as much about power as it is about independence. 

But does this feminine independence, this strong willed sexual awareness, the want to be both beautiful and wanted along with strong and free, does all of this negate a "feminist disposition?" Feminists of the seventies thought so, as Kate White told you above. But what is this new wave of thought? Is it impossible to "have your cake and eat it too?" 

Anyway, maybe a train of thought too serious for my day off, but also nice to have something intelligent to discuss as opposed to shapes, colors, and play dough. Your thoughts?

Angry Girl Music

...or as Mr. Perfect refers to it as "man bashing music." Why is it so catchy? Why do I love it so much? I don't have much to relate to any of it, but for some reason, I love almost all of it. 

"What would you classify as angry girl music?" one might ask. Well examples of such: Kelly Clarkson's "Since You Been Gone" along with basically her entire third album, Taylor Swift's "Picture to Burn" and "Should've Said No," Beyonce's "Irreplaceable," Miranda Lambert's "Gun Powder and Lead," Rihanna's "Take a Bow," Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats," Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know," and the list goes on forever. It seems to be a trend as of recent years, or maybe now I'm just more aware of what the songs I'm singing in the car actually mean. 

In any case, I can't help but turn my radio up high and blast my poor speakers every single time. In about 97% if the songs, I have no idea what it feels like to be in her situation, but it gives one a sense of power and pride I suppose to feel like you do. To feel like you're standing up for yourself or escaping from a suppressive state of being. Who knows the reasoning behind it, but I know I'm not the only one. Mr. Perfect can't understand it. I feel like sometimes he thinks it's a reflection on him how I enjoy this angry girl music. But in all actuality it has nothing to do with him. Nothing. 

Believe it or not I'm a sucker for love songs too. But that's a different blog. 

So sorry if we see the feminist poking her way through my facade again. Maybe the love of this particular genre simply comes from a desire to be stronger in your own skin. To feel like you have the guts to stand up as they do and "Say what you need to say," as John Mayer would put it. 

In our Girls' night out last Sunday evening, during the "wild karaoke," a young woman sang one of these particular songs and the whole place blew up with girls singing and rocking out along with her. It was incredible. Who knew such power could be found within music? Within songs? Within words? 

...I did. 

Labor Day Fireworks

"Ain't no rhyme or reason, no complicated meaning. Ain't no need to over think it, let go, laughing. Life don't go quite like you planned it, we try so hard to understand it. But the irrefutable, indisputable fact is: it happens."

Such profound words from such a simple song. 

This weekend was filled with many different fireworks. A wedding of two of my college colleagues that I had so been looking forward to, was, well.. awkward to say the least. Apparently, drama never ceases even when you remove yourself from everyone possibly involved for over four months. Basically, I traveled quite a ways to be ignored by some, talked to by some, talked about by some, and aggravated by most. A select few of my favorite people from the past kept me at least smiling and entertained for the evening, but I would be lying if I said my strong front wasn't pierced by the time I left for the night. 

The following evening, real fireworks were enjoyed in mass quantity in celebration of Labor Day weekend. A night out with my favorite hometown girls once again raised my spirits and my alcohol tolerance. With some wild karaoke and some fantastic drink specials, the ladies were right on target for an enjoyable evening. They never let me down. I'm so glad things do not change between those that mean the most. 

Meanwhile, words were exchanged between Rico and I that I wish I could forget. Fireworks indeed. I'm not sure what sparked it, but spark is what it did. With the way the wedding went for my self-esteem on Saturday and the way this short fuse blew out of control with Rico, along with a bit of bad family news, needless to say my relaxing long weekend wasn't as planned. However, the past is the past. As far as the wedding drama goes, I'm removed from them once again (thank God), words have been retracted and forgiven from Rico, and it basically comes down to: Shit happens. 

As the song above goes on, she sings about feeling sorry for yourself, wallowing in self-pity when things don't go as planned or as you wish they had. Unfortunately, this does no one any good. It doesn't change things, so we might as well focus on the hilarity of it all. Find the fun. And my fun stemmed from my favorite island girl keeping my focus elsewhere at the wedding and Roxie never disappointing and always entertaining me on a vacation back home for the weekend. 

Getting my act back together is what this week's goal is. Let's get on that...

Be Good to Your Daughters

"You don't look like Barbie.. you're not pretty like Barbie. Your hair isn't long, straight and yellow like mine, like Barbie's" says the four year old on the playground to a fellow classmate, bringing her to tears. Having heard this with my own ears this afternoon, I was stunned. Is Barbie who we still measure up to? Who these young girls still compare one another to, as well as themselves? 

I can remember having barbie dolls. Dozens, actually. I do not remember comparing my actual friends to them, however. Not to my conscious knowledge at the age of four anyway. Since that age, almost a couple of decades ago (yikes!), I have learned quite a bit, attended multiple schools, met more people than I can remember I'm sure, and yet here I am again. Back at Barbie. 

In school, I dabbled a bit in Women's Studies. I've already talked about being a feminist and you have already been witness to some of my literature of interest. So you see how a comment such as the one above, even on the playground, would catch my attention. It is my firm belief that beginning at an early age, we have an obligation to young girls and young women alike to instill self-worth within them. But when we're battling against pop culture, against all they know to be true in the world, it's much more difficult than it should be. 

Just to give you a few more thoughts to ponder... this particular four year old girl's parents frequent the local Hooters often with their children. She has also been known to comment on how the girls that work there are "precious in their little shirts and tight shorts with long socks." Not kidding. If you work at Hooters, I have nothing against you. To each her own. But in all seriousness... young girls should not be comparing their bodies already to Barbie, let alone, Hooters' girls. God help us. 

What happened to mothers telling it like it is... be who you are, be beautiful in your own skin. One would think that message is one of the past or one that only ugly people focus on. In working with small children now, I have found that this passion of teaching positive self-esteem to young girls has only fluctuated. It's never too early to tell them they're beautiful for who they are, not who they could be. Because that type of confidence only flourishes within those young girls who become those strong women needed so desperately in society today. 

So there you have it. My soap box for the night. 

If Money Grew on Trees

My latest and greatest food for thought: I want a puppy. 

If money grew on trees, I'd already have one. Along with a maid to make sure my new apartment didn't end up smelling like dog. Unfortunately, neither a puppy nor a maid are in the current budget. One day, maybe I'll have both. But for now, here are some cute ones I've come across. 

Precious, right? I'd take either... But I suppose that if I had a puppy then I'd have to come up with some equally amazing name to sum up how cute either of these two would be. 

I think a puppy is a reasonable accessory  to my new life. He or she might just keep me sane.. Give me stability in this that is my new world. In a new city. With all of these new people. Everyone needs a friend. One that you can't move away from, graduate and leave; One that won't turn their back on you, who will love you always, snuggling up with you whenever you can't see the silver lining in the storm clouds... Woman's best friend? Be with me on this. 

Thoughts? 

Lessons Learned and I Told You So's...

Both songs off of Carrie Underwood albums... but that is neither here nor there. We're not talking about Carrie today, maybe another time...

Today I've been feeling a little sorry for myself. Some of my best friends, including Rico, are moving back/ have moved back to the college life today. I've told you before that I'm already jealous. While the parties I'm sure will go on for the next week and the pictures will immediately be posted on select social networking sites, I will be early to bed and early to rise working like an adult. My question is, when did I agree to be an adult already? 

You go through the motions for years... K-12, 4 years (hopefully) of college, then bam!.. Just like that, get a job, get insurance, get a life... on your own. Wait, what? Do I have to? Well, the answer to that is "Yes, you do." 

In any case, today I've been thinking about the "I told you so's..." My favorite Island girl and I often discussed how hard it was back when she was the most recent graduate among us. She moved to another city, taking on a new adventure, all by herself. Building a life on her own without the comfort of our small school and close network of friends. Many times we discussed her feelings on the matter and I felt bad. I wanted her to be back with me in school just as bad as she wanted to be, but it just wasn't going to happen. Time marches on. I said then that I understood, but I know now, that I didn't have a clue. Because now here I am. The most recent of the graduates I suppose. Living and learning. And wishing I'd prepared myself more when she "told me so." 

The first round of stories and pictures will be hard. Maintaining distance from sorority drama will be easier. Trying to hold it together like an "adult" while Rico finds new friends (skanks) to go to and adore will be hardest. 

Is this what it's supposed to be like? Growing up and getting on with everything else life has to give... Another chapter to life's story. I know it's not supposed to be easy. But this is a new level of difficulty I'm dealing with today. It feels real and I don't so much appreciate reality at this point. 

I sent Hallmark cards today. They make everyone feel better right? No? Oh well. I sent them anyway. My favorite of the day went something like this:

"Is everyone giving you that 'it gets better with time' BS?... It should be shopping. It all gets better with shopping." 

That pretty much sums it up. Maybe I should suck it up and just go shopping.