First, note: This might come off as Carrie Bradshaw-esque. If that's the case, you've been warned. Second, also note: This is a follow up of Island Girl's last post, just so you understand where I'm coming from. As you probably now know all too well, since the beginning of this new year, I've been on what one could refer to lightly as a 'health kick'. One could also refer to it not so lightly as 'super dieting, calorie watching, ass kicking, gym going, point counting, obsessively dreaming of change' kick. For many reasons, some previously stated, some not, this has been my life since January 1, 2009. Since that date, I've lost almost 15 pounds. In a healthy way. I'm working really hard to come up with the results I want to see in the mirror.
Now, after reading Island Girl's latest post on my break yesterday at work, I've not been able to get her thoughts out of my head. Mainly because I share so many of her fears, concerns and frustrations. While I have been on this 'kick' for a much shorter time span than she, I am already beginning to see where things could get out of hand for me.
This past week was a little frustrating. The weekend wasn't exactly diet friendly as it was a holiday weekend and when "Roll Call Wednesday" came around for OSB, once again, it was another week with not much change. In my head I understand that 13-15 pounds is quite a bit of weight to have lost by pure hard work and accountability in under 2 months. In the mirror, I'm already fearing that I've hit that plateau and it's going to stop falling off of me after this being the second week without much loss to account for. While I see that my stomach is getting flatter and my face is slimming down, I caught myself on Tuesday being disgusted with my 'curves'-- some might enjoy, I'd like to get rid of at least some of it-- and pinching the skin on my back thinking why hasn't this gone away too? Okay, now before I'm accused of the onsets of an eating disorder, please note that I love food far too much for that to ever occur. I will take full responsibilty, however, for a self-image disorder. That I've owned all my life. I've just been pretty good about keeping it to myself most of the time. But this is where Island Girl and her 'nutritionist' made me think...
Is she for real? This nutritionist, not I.G. Does she honestly believe that people in our 'age bracket' have overcome whatever image issues they previously had and are just 'settled' with however they look currently? This concept absolutely baffles me! Seriously? And for her to say that without laughing. Moreso, for this to be her reasoning to explain away voiced frustrations of a client? In the infamous words of Lewis Black, "And I am confused!"
But in retrospect, as I've contemplated it for a couple of days now, it brings about a larger issue. Will we ever be good enough for ourselves? Not for anyone else. Not for popular culture or the new fashion trends that we may love or hate. Not for the cute guy at the bar. But for the mirror. Because when it comes down to it, that's all we have. It's me and my reflection. If I can't be confident in that, what do I have? Don't get me wrong and take me for some shallow human being who only believes that beauty is only skin deep, but seriously, if you can't look in the mirror and be proud of that person, physically, emotionally, spiritually, whatever... What do you have? Everyone else's opinions? Can't be good for all around character building. At least not in my world. ha. Maybe a little deep for a Friday night, but here I am. Just a whole lot of questions and none with true answers I suppose. Can't say it's the first time I've asked them, but maybe the first time I've felt them necessary to outwardly impose.
Some nutritionist, huh? I.G. I feel for you, but I feel more for her. She is seriously disillusioned with both the world around her and more specifically her career. Keep pushing. You rock.
Happy 'healthy' weekending!
