Wouldn't It Be Lovely?

First, I'm sorry I've been such a slacker. Last week went by as a blur of sorts. I'm not sure how, as each day seemed to creep by... however, here we are and I don't really have any excuses for my lack of blogging. My apologies.

Second, I'm feeling better. Thank you for your comments and encouraging words. I have my days when it simply sucks to be in my shoes... and then I get real with myself again and move forward... or get into a new pair of shoes. Which ever the case may be, I'm now focused more on the positive comments I've received in the past week, such as both of my higher ups complimenting my "getting skinny-ness." I'm now focused more on the fact that my staple black belt that I've owned for the better part of college, etc. no longer works as it is too big around to hold up my now too big jeans. I'm now focused on the fact that my shopping extravaganza this week provided opportunity to purchase size smaller clothing items that all fit as they should and it's not just me trying to squeeze myself into them. I'm seeing my glass as half full as opposed to half empty. This is where my head should be at this point, right? I hope. We'll just put it this way... my diet, along with my bank account, has suffered immensely this weekend, and I haven't worried about it. Tonight's gym experience, I'll worry about. It's going to kick my ass back in gear, but one comment on my last post was that it was in fact a healthy way to re boost your metabolism when it starts to slow down again. Thank you for that. Thus, I don't feel too guilty... ha. Trying not to anyway.

Speaking of my shopping extravaganza and my poor bank account, whoa did I go overboard this weekend. Thus my picture. Wouldn't it be oh so lovely if the money you spent recreated itself on your own personal money tree? I so wish it did. My favorite Roxie finally made her first trip to the city this weekend. Thank God it was so soon after a pay period because I have spent more money shopping, dining and drinking than I believe I ever have in a weekend's time. One could say I'm celebrating my lack of Spring Break. First year ever not having one... I feel like I've treated myself to my own little spring time siesta. Relaxing, staying up too late, shopping, shopping, eating terribly, enjoying this fabulous spring weather, shopping, drinking, shopping. You get the picture. Happy Spring Break to Classy. I've practically bought myself a new spring wardrobe as I have events to prepare for (as mentioned previously). Seeing people I love and bitches who need to hate on me more than they already do apparently. Roxie said this would in fact be the case when I was having my own little fashion show last night with all of my purchases strewn about my room. It's going to be a good weekend at the end of the month. Stay tuned. Should be quite exciting.

In any case, my mood has improved greatly since last we spoke. Roxie provided a breath of fresh air as usual and my spirits have been lifted. A new wardrobe always helps with that too you know. The gym awaits me this evening. No more cheating before my thrilling end of March weekend arrives. Kicking it in gear one more time and staying focused on the good... not the scales. Happy Spring Break!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

First, note: This might come off as Carrie Bradshaw-esque. If that's the case, you've been warned. Second, also note: This is a follow up of Island Girl's last post, just so you understand where I'm coming from.

As you probably now know all too well, since the beginning of this new year, I've been on what one could refer to lightly as a 'health kick'. One could also refer to it not so lightly as 'super dieting, calorie watching, ass kicking, gym going, point counting, obsessively dreaming of change' kick. For many reasons, some previously stated, some not, this has been my life since January 1, 2009. Since that date, I've lost almost 15 pounds. In a healthy way. I'm working really hard to come up with the results I want to see in the mirror.

Now, after reading Island Girl's latest post on my break yesterday at work, I've not been able to get her thoughts out of my head. Mainly because I share so many of her fears, concerns and frustrations. While I have been on this 'kick' for a much shorter time span than she, I am already beginning to see where things could get out of hand for me.

This past week was a little frustrating. The weekend wasn't exactly diet friendly as it was a holiday weekend and when "Roll Call Wednesday" came around for OSB, once again, it was another week with not much change. In my head I understand that 13-15 pounds is quite a bit of weight to have lost by pure hard work and accountability in under 2 months. In the mirror, I'm already fearing that I've hit that plateau and it's going to stop falling off of me after this being the second week without much loss to account for. While I see that my stomach is getting flatter and my face is slimming down, I caught myself on Tuesday being disgusted with my 'curves'-- some might enjoy, I'd like to get rid of at least some of it-- and pinching the skin on my back thinking why hasn't this gone away too? Okay, now before I'm accused of the onsets of an eating disorder, please note that I love food far too much for that to ever occur. I will take full responsibilty, however, for a self-image disorder. That I've owned all my life. I've just been pretty good about keeping it to myself most of the time. But this is where Island Girl and her 'nutritionist' made me think...

Is she for real? This nutritionist, not I.G. Does she honestly believe that people in our 'age bracket' have overcome whatever image issues they previously had and are just 'settled' with however they look currently? This concept absolutely baffles me! Seriously? And for her to say that without laughing. Moreso, for this to be her reasoning to explain away voiced frustrations of a client? In the infamous words of Lewis Black, "And I am confused!"

But in retrospect, as I've contemplated it for a couple of days now, it brings about a larger issue. Will we ever be good enough for ourselves? Not for anyone else. Not for popular culture or the new fashion trends that we may love or hate. Not for the cute guy at the bar. But for the mirror. Because when it comes down to it, that's all we have. It's me and my reflection. If I can't be confident in that, what do I have? Don't get me wrong and take me for some shallow human being who only believes that beauty is only skin deep, but seriously, if you can't look in the mirror and be proud of that person, physically, emotionally, spiritually, whatever... What do you have? Everyone else's opinions? Can't be good for all around character building. At least not in my world. ha. Maybe a little deep for a Friday night, but here I am. Just a whole lot of questions and none with true answers I suppose. Can't say it's the first time I've asked them, but maybe the first time I've felt them necessary to outwardly impose.

Some nutritionist, huh? I.G. I feel for you, but I feel more for her. She is seriously disillusioned with both the world around her and more specifically her career. Keep pushing. You rock.

Happy 'healthy' weekending!