Scales were sent from the Devil. Of this, I'm convinced. I worked out four days last week. Hard. I'm pushing myself to an extra extreme at this point because of certain events coming up shortly and certain people I'll be spending time with preceding the wedding festivities in May. I've set more short term goals, even though the long term goals are sneaking up on me quickly. In any case, I have been stuck on the same approximate numbers now for two + weeks. And this is not okay. Mr. Perfect asks why I can't just be satisfied with being in the best shape I've probably ever been in. My co-worker and friend tells me over and over again, "stay off the scales, they're just discouraging. You know you're working hard and it's paying off." My heart understands this, but my instinct is to just see if the needle has moved a simple pound or so... it can't be that difficult, right? Wrong.I had a brief conversation with I.G. yesterday, begging for guidance, for encouragement, for anything. I'm so fed up with working so hard to no avail. It's enormously frustrating. I mean really, no wonder people allow themselves to get fat! Not only is it a chore to watch what you eat, but you also need to fit in a fair amount (or more) of exercise and BONUS, when your body becomes tired of that routine, you have to change it up again simply to continue to lose. What is that? One might try to tell me that the results will continue to drive me. It'll all make sense when you feel fabulous in the end, right? Well as of now, I've been working my ass off for two solid months and I haven't seen any further results than what I saw at a month and a half. If this is the case for much longer, when on earth am I supposed to feel fabulous?
Yes, I can tell that I've lost. Yes, I feel like I'm in much better shape than when I started. Yes, I'm able to run further or lift longer. Yes, I can feel my body strengthening. No, I'm not where I thought I would be at this point, nor where I want to be and no, I'm not okay with going another month with nothing on the scales amusing my efforts!
After a fantastic time at home last weekend, I felt so encouraged and motivated by my girls. I was thrilled to get back in the gym with a breath of fresh air. And this weekend, I felt like I had plummeted into a hole that I can't crawl out of. I'm stuck! I was quite the cranky bitch yesterday as I couldn't break free of this mindset. I.G. assured me that my body would work its way through it and the next twenty pounds would fall off. I hope that's the case. But it was/is quite difficult for me to come to terms with that today. When you start working out and feeling good, it's so easy to say "Why haven't I been doing this all along?" until you reach this point and it's like "Now I understand why everyone gives up about two months into their 'New Years Resolution' and goes back to the hot wings and cold beverages." I'm not saying I'm giving up. I've come too far for that. I'm just admitting that I can certainly see why people do. I'm so irritated. Maybe I should just throw out the scales for a while... could I really do that? Add that to the list of what my will power is up against lately. God help me.
