1. Sorry I've been a major slacker for about a week now. Promise to not let it happen again.
2. Note: This post may be very Carrie Bradshaw-esque and may even make some of you roll your eyes at me for not appreciating what I've been blessed with. But you know me, no apologies.
This past weekend was quite wonderful. I enjoyed some alone time, some pampering, and a lot of sleeping. It was exactly what I needed at the end of last week. Yesterday however, was rough. What is it about Sunday afternoons? I find them so lonely, no matter where I am. So you're asking yourself how do I go from lonely to trapped? Try and stay with me.
I spoke with my mother several times yesterday as I usually do. She knows Sundays are hard for me. Once again, I don't know why. Anyway, one of our last conversations of the day began with her telling me that my grandmother's most recent habit is referring to Mr. Perfect as my finance. Okay. Hold the phone. Last I checked my left hand, I have no diamond. I, more or less, brushed it off with "Whatever helps her sleep at night." Note: She's not a fan of her only granddaughter having moved in with her boyfriend. Also note: Classy doesn't care. If she only knew how many other things in my life she could stress over aside from my living arrangements... Anyway, moving on. While my mom was laughing about this, it led into a conversation I didn't want to have. She began asking questions that she rarely asks because she knows I don't enjoy them. Ex. "Have the 2 of you talked about it? What are your thoughts?" And my personal favorite, "Are you sure he's the one?" Please mother, put these on top of my carefree weekend just to add a little spice.
The truth is I once had the answers to all of these questions. Now, I feel that even the simple questions put me in a cage I cannot seem to escape. I'm not ready to make these decisions. When a grand majority of my friends are married, engaged, or in very serious relationships, I find myself feeling stuck. Have I trapped myself in a life I don't want to be in? Just writing that sentence brings tears of fear to my eyes. I laugh it off most of the time. Questions are asked and I give the typical answers that I know everyone wants to hear, but honestly it scares me to death to find myself in such a position at this point in my life.
Maybe it's a fear of the unknown or a fear of growing up. Maybe it's a fear of making a mistake or losing control over my precious independence. Maybe it's typical Classy playing our everything in her head to an exaggerated state. Whatever the case might be, I've really struggled with it for the past 48 hours.
Interestingly enough, it has more to do with my own state of mind than Mr. Perfect. One would think something had changed or gone wrong with the fault lying in him, but not so much. I mean, I could make out a list of all of the qualities I love so much about him and all of the things he does for me. Then again, I could also list the things that drive me crazy along with everything I wish he did for me. But that is the case with every man, right? Or any significant other, I suppose. Whatever. It's not about him.
I guess I'm settled here now. Therefore, it's time to figure out what's next. And the "what's next" answers are becoming more frightening every day.
Another sorority sister got engaged last night. My college roommate (also engaged) emailed me this morning to tell me. She also concluded in her own special way... "Soon we're all going to be married! Isn't that exciting! When are you joining the club? Want me to stop asking? haha..." etc etc. Well, I do know the answer to that question and it's "YES! For the love of everything good and holy, stop asking!"
Oh life. In the words of the beautiful Dierks Bentley, "I'd settle for a slowdown."
